seeking the light ~ Part 1

I didn’t find out until I was 46 that my Nanna suffered with depression and mental health issues.  Forty six years into my life and my Mum tells me the story of coming home from school and her Mum, my Nanna still being in bed and not being able to get her out of bed.  In some ways it kind of made me feel better, which then made me feel bad. I have her passport, which I inherited in a tin of old photographs, Im not sure she ever used it, I think she found life difficult, people difficult, I think she found it hard to go out. Knowing that this little rosy cheeked smiling lady who I loved very much and who seemed so cheerful couldn’t get out of bed to face her day, made me feel so much better about me.  It made me see the world  differently like someone had turned it on its head and I was viewing it from the other way round.  Maybe it was a turning point, maybe it was the beginning of thinking its OK, or maybe a whole lot of things happened to make me realize its OK.

Thanks Nanna today I got out of bed.

The Apple blossom is out on the old apple tree and the plants are growing.  I put the washing out then drove to help Anne, on the way it started to rain, and I thought – good job I put the washing out….

Anne was sad cause her hip hurt, she was sat in her reclining chair and I thought she looked sad, we chatted, normally I do her gardening but it was raining so I dusted and hoovered and washed the kitchen floor, filled up the bird feeder and then came home.

Rosie had got the washing in, I felt happy.

I decided to start writing again, maybe it would be good.  Took Rosie to her friends went to the supermarket bought orange juice, forgot the lettuce, which is what I went in for.  Started cooking tea and decided to write about my Nanna.

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2 thoughts on “seeking the light ~ Part 1

  1. I admire your courage, I filter what I write for fear my family will read it and think I’ve gone off the deep edge. Sometimes I have, more times than I’d like them to know about. I’ve pondered starting a new blog, one where I can journal on the tough days, one I keep separate from my public face. 😘

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